Do you give too much? Are you expected to “save the day” or be the shoulder to cry on? If so, you may be blocking not only your happiness but the maturity of responsibility in the other person that is required by life in any relationship. Overdoing levels of concern, or in other words becoming a doormat rescuer, is not happiness. Living by purpose demands balance – a reciprocity of sharing.
Dr. Robert Holden asks: Do you ever play “the giver” who only gives and never receives; or “the helper” who suppresses any personal needs; or “the independent one” who never asks for what they want; … or “the martyr” who cannot really give unconditionally because they do not really receive?
Honest review of these questions may be your pivot of change.
The roles we play ultimately become the binding roles that we accept. Hidden within the play roles of “rescuer” or “giver” or “helper” or “independent one” or “martyr” or a blend thereof is an internal desire to be wanted or know that you are wanted by someone. This unexamined inner longing imposes upon your preeminence. So, you must change roles.
There are two ways to shift roles that drain you or no longer serve your higher purpose now:
- Pay attention to how you respond in every relationship for a week. Write down the name of the person and the role you used while interacting with them. Be diligent here – every day for one week – identify the role you play with others.
- Next, categorize each role. Look at how often you accept each role. Now, add how do you feel after playing each role-this is difficult but necessary.
Once you objectively identify each role and which one you switch on and off to accommodate people in your life, you will start the engine of change. The roles you play become so embedded and expected of you that pausing to examine the usefulness of these roles is not even not thought of as changeable.
But, change you must in order to find your your core identity.f
Know the roles that you play. Own up to and accept the roles that are positive and productive in your life. Shift, release low performing, often toxic roles, and allow other people to claim their authentic responsibility by shifting your responses.
Live according to your known purpose -tend to your life seeds – and balance often your authenticity scales.
Care for others, care about others but care about yourself first.
“Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority.” – Tom Hopkins
- Creating Self-Awareness (viyacoach.wordpress.com)