Do You Care or Curse?

Do You Care or Curse?

Ultimately, that is the choice we make with our feelings hundreds of times a day-care or curse? The difference between the two often means happiness inside or despotic misery.  The choice is real, most of the time automatic and situational, but once you begin to pay attention to your feelings and thoughts you will begin to realize that yes you do make one of the choices.

Interestingly, our natural proclivity is to care. You learn how to curse a situation.  Watch the natural choices of a mother in the animal kingdom and you will see an innate caring instinct. But, for survival purposes that mother teaches her young how to curse, or become a predator, in the wild. Humans, who have the added faculty of intelligence, make the same choice-we learn how to curse certain situations based on feelings.

But, human choice to curse is usually made under the guise of the same notion of protection found in the animal kingdom. But, this is wrong. We learn to curse the unknown or what we fear, curse each other as competitors, damn those who are different, curse obstacles that come into our lives as an impediment which was dumped into our lap to make our lives difficult.

The natural human choice is to care. In spite of how often we are bombarded with instances where the volume of cursing is turned up to shrieking noise, caring still happens. Three four and five year old girls decided to sell their own drawings which they made with crayon and color markers to help the tsunami victims in Japan two days ago.

Why did they do it, they cared. A high school baseball coach donated a kidney to one of his players. He did it, in his words, “because I cared.” A young man stops to help an elderly couple after an accident-he cared too.  Teachers teach because they care. Doctors and nurses save lives because they care. Daycare workers care. Architects care about the safety of a structure. Fathers care about their children. When you listen to someone without judgment, you care.

Those who curse care too, but in an inverted way. People who curse measure their care based on past memories of pain which them provokes them to shield caring in a cloak of bitter internalized nonchalance. But, the caring is there not far from the surface if you studied the air of a grumbling curmudgeon.  Reasonably, this is true because it is natural to care. So, even though someone exhibits a hardened shell that looks like they curse the world, a persistent dose of caring attention will usually soften their seemingly bitter heart. They too have happiness inside and a caring sensitivity toward others.

This is not a sentimental musing. Honestly, it is not. F. W. Sears writes, “when w permit ourselves to condemn a thing because we say it is “bad” or condemn some person for any cause whatever, that is taking a destructive attitude toward that thing or person no matter how just we may think our position in the case may be we cannot relate with these negative, destructive currents in our thought world and expect constructive and harmonious effects….”

Make it a practice to care about the bitter and downtrodden, lots of people do.  Pause for a moment to pick out caring moments that others do. Just last week I watched this new show, Secret Millionaire, on ABC. The tagline is giving back never fet soo good.” The premise of the show, from its premiere episode, is for millionaires to live undercover, where others do not know they are wealthy, and spend time in the community with people who are serving are caring for others and then give a portion of their money away to strengthen the work those caring servants are doing which benefit others.  On the premiere episode a woman, Dani Johnson, who was once homeless but became a millionaire, spent time in a food kitchen where two elderly twin ladies prepared hot food for those in the community who needed a hot meal. For the housebound, their volunteers visited with them when they took them their meals; what they did was care because often the visit was more healing than the food. Another lady on the show devoted her time, talent and money decorating rooms and granting wishes for children who were very sick. Even though she was a busy mother and wife, it was her calling to care to decorate these rooms with bright and cheerful motifs to uplift the spirits of the ill child and their devastated parents. The millionaire funded both of these causes with a gift of a check, but as importantly she connected to her heart of care.

You may not be a millionaire, neither am I, but what we do share is a willingness to care. Care just a little more about your neighbor, check in on someone who is sick or elderly, send a card you have not seen or talked to in a while, smile, show your happiness inside.

The main rule for caring is to do something for others with tenderness. Be tender and patient even with the one, human or animal, who has been scarred and appears to curse the world. Let them feel your care.  Make a care investment  everywhere, it is the harmonious thing to do.

Recommended Reading:  The Prosperity Bible (compilation)

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The Year of the Rabbit

Question:  What is the Year of the Rabbit?

Symbol for the Year of the Rabbit


The year of the Rabbit starts 3 February 2011 and continues until 22 January 2012.  This year is the Year of the Metal Rabbit which means it is the fourth phase of Wu Xing.  Metal is yin in character, its motion is inwards and its energy is contracting.  Metal is associated with the Autumn, the west, old age, the planet Venus, the color white, dry weather, and the White Tiger (Bai Hu) in Four Symbols. The archetypal metals are silver and gold.

In Chinese Taoist thought, Metal attributes are considered to be firmness, rigidity, persistence, strength and determination.  The metal person is controlling, ambitious, forceful and set in their ways as metal is very strong; and they are self-reliant and prefer to handle their problems alone.  The metal person is also materialistic, business oriented and good at organization and stability.  However the metal person can also appreciate luxury and enjoy the good things in life.  Just as metal can conduct electricity, the Metal person has strong impulses and generative powers and can bring about changes and transformations for those who come into contact with them.

The Rabbit ( ) (also translated as Hare) is the fourth animal in the 12-year cycle of the Chinese zodiac.  The Year of the Rabbit is associated with the earthly branch symbol .  The Rabbit or Hare is also the emblem of longevity.

The year of the Rabbit portends a calmer, more placid vibration with an unhurried pace. This Year will allow for more relaxation, less stress and congenial relationships.   Relax, take a break away from the acidity and frenzy of 2010.  This would be a fortunate time to network more, explore different, more diverse, experiences that will add to the richness of who you are and what you know.

ChineseZodiac.com says metal “gives Rabbits more strength, resilience and determination.” As a result, the site says, metal rabbits are “more intense in their actions, whether they’re work-related or romantic.”

Knowledge is a keyword in the Year of the Rabbit.  Read more books this year, expand your global knowledge by reading and studying authors whose ethnicity is different from yours or your cultural background.

The Year of the Rabbit appears to have great personal potential for improvement, relaxation, socialization, creativity, powerful relationships, tranquility and exposure. Make each day of this Year count by stretching your boundaries. Independently investigate your own truth, make new experiences and own them.

People are anxious to improve their circumstances but unwilling to improve themselves, they therefore remain bound.” ~James Allen

What is Love?

Woody Allen makes a point here:

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

Whether you think Woody Allen’s comment is funny or not does not matter (I think it is privately humorous), the question here is what is love?

American relationship/marriage statistics are alarming (if you choose to focus on the divorce probability) unless you counterbalance those data numbers with heart memories. This is one reason I often refer to a book written by Julie Rainbow, Standing the Test of Time, that debunks the myth of divorced, dysfunctional Black families as she tells the story of Black couples who have been married fifty years or more and are still standing together.

I have other reasons for my knowing about love, my parents. My parents were married 53 years (until my Dad’s death in 2008) and his last words on this earth were to my Mom, saying “I love you.” Their eternal bond taught me something.

Adding another personal note, now that I have eulogized two brothers, one my twin, but both whom I loved deeply, I had to ask myself what am I learning about life through this experience?  I have been taught that love is a jewel that sparkles as brightly as you do. Well, I want to dazzle because that is the type of love that I want before I leave this earthly plane!

I have learned that “love” endures pain. It is an unquestioned face that relationships that mark years of longevity face pain. Even so, the pain of infidelity, disaster, trauma, or other disruptive issues do not destroy the core of love between two people who are devoted to each other.

I have learned that “love” smells different. Sometimes love stinks. But, like you learn to love your baby’s poop, love is the reason. Other times love smells like a fragrant rose, scented by time and passion. Love among two people may smell different from time to time, but each smell you learn to love.

I have learned that “love” ages. The longer you bottle love the more of an aged bouquet it has. Time and stillness together can create a bonus of a barrel of savory love.

What love is is individual. My impression of love is distinct from yours and you can bet yours is distinct from mine. When I was younger I equated love with lust, thus a divorce as soon as the hots cooled off. Now after taking years of celibacy instruction to heart, I have learned that even though love may lead to suffering, I’ll suffer any day for the aged, sweetness of love.

How Happiness Happens

Is it a plane? Is it a star? No, it’s happiness.

Questions surround the quest for happiness almost as much as people question what is up in the sky. The difference oftentimes is that the curious gazers will research and seek answers. How about you?

Are you curious about happiness?

I sure am curious about happiness (joy), especially since being happy and grateful is my daily quest. My inquiring mind wants to know – How Happiness Happens.

Researchers have found that you cannot compartmentalize happiness; meaning, I am happy at home but not a work. No, no, no. Findings suggest that Happiness Happens when you are congruent with your emotions both at home and at work. Marshall and Kelly Goldsmith commissioned a study on happiness and reported their findings in the December 21, 2009 issue of Business Week. One validating point in the article is that “Those who were more satisfied with life outside of work were the respondents who reported spending more time on activities that produced both happiness and meaning.”

Here are some activities that stimulate happiness:
1. Exercise
2. Lovemaking
3. Challenges
4. Hobbies
5. Volunteering
6. Chores
7. Social or Religious Outings
8. Healthy Relationships
9. Travel

The list is not exhaustive, by any means. What may be a “happy” moment for you may mean little to me. The point is that doing something – either mentally, spiritually, or socially – produces happiness endorphins which stimulate joy.

You are tasked to find your happiness.

Start at Activity #1 – exercise. A moving body is a stimulated body. Fitness experts say that a mere 15 minutes of movement a day is enough to produce enough endorphins to be purposeful. Activity #2 – lovemaking causes the coupling effect which activates a “rush” of high emotions. Moving on, solving challenges – Activity # 3 or Activity #7 – require you to engage mental, spiritual, and social muscle. This is good. Any activity that combines engagement zones is quite healthy for your body, mind, and spirit.

Happiness Happens moment by moment when you are actively in a place of deliberate action and intention. Spend time with those you love, get busy, watch less television, and find less to complain and criticize about.

Be happy. Make happiness happen!

Live and Not Be Weary

If you are reading this post then you are alive. But, are you living? Better yet, have you checked your life pulse to see how you are living lately?

Well, it’s time to do so. Take some pause time today, preferably right now before something else pops up to distract you from this critical business at hand. I promise you that starting this “How You Are Living” inventory will only take a minute or two, but it may well be the most critical few minutes you will spend with yourself today.

Okay. Are you ready? Is the television, telephone, and computer off? Shut everything down for a few minutes and only have an open listening ear for the internal answer you will receive.

Next, do this:
1. Speak out loud a positive affirmation. If you are not already doing this, make it a multiple use habit to repeat your affirmation every day.

2. Speak out loud one thing that you are grateful for right now. There should be a plethora of things that come to your mind, but isolate just one for now.

CAUTION: If you are struggling with finding your gratitude point, it is little wonder that you are weary. Re-cast your focus immediately from the frenzied chaos that is blocking your inner peace and find something for which you are grateful. Do it now and then proclaim it out loud!

3. Give yourself some praise. I am sure you find it easy to praise someone else (and if not begin to work on offering more praise to others). Women especially may find it difficult to hug yourself with honest, intentional praise but you will find this easier to do with repetitive practice . Stop the ego-tripping and give yourself some praise. Whew! You feel better already.

4. Take a deep breath and stay with these moments of inner richness. Bask in the glow of positive hearing for a few more seconds and then slowly re-introduce yourself to the external life; you may find it easier to do so when you start by listening to soothing music or humming a nice tune to yourself. Then turn back to the computer and other daily necessities feeling stronger and refreshed.

Repeat these exercises evveryday. Soon the routine will become so habitual that you will not end a day without living.

I compliment you and honor the soul-rested you.
Live your life, who has time to be weary. You don’t!

Brighten the Corner Where YOU Are

What is life all about anyway? Some say it is to build success, some argue it is to do good and spread goodwill, others pose that life is a self discovery journey that encompasses feeling good and doing good, a personal measurement of success and finding your “zen” passion points.

All true, no debate from me. But let me add that I think life is to be lived from one happy moment to the next. It is not that we don’t meet challenges or obstacles, I acknowledge that in my book Climb Every Obstacle: Eliminate Your Limits!

Of course we do face unsettling events, death, trauma, fear, or other mixtures of emotions that can of course blend into a simmering pot of caution. The message here is to find the bright side.

Brighten the corner where you are; in the present, right now. Once you learn how to ferret out even a second of bright clarity, you can begin to build an automatic gush of understanding and happiness. Something life changing actually happens when you STOP fighting with the way things are and live brightly in the present.

Right now I am reading, Women, Food and God. Gennen Roth,the author, has taken me to to my mythical core where I now see that the learned stories and past histories I have learned primarily from my Mom who does not accept or embrace her body as a prized sanctuary of grace, even though ironically her name is Grace, has shadowed my feelings about my own body and it outer worth.

My Mom is incredible. She is beautiful, intelligent, accomplished and a woman of worth. But, the way she shies away from her body shows a disconnect from the good God placed in her.

As her only daughter child, I am only now beginning to accept my body – no more abusive diets, no more starvation, no more over extension, no more people pleasing, no more avoidance, no more!

I know how to cast light, I really do. If there is one characteristic that I have inculcated it is my ability to let others shine and to find their brightness. I don’t need the limelight. But there is a hidden dagger with this last statement…no I don’t need the limelight, but I should too let my whole life, including my body, shine.

As late as last month if someone called me sexy, especially a man, I would cringe thinking I have been too forward or worse cast my femininity too far. Ridiculous!

Geneen Roth has helped me drill down into where those un-true stories I tell myself about being sexy came from. I had to scope my whole being, expose my lunacy, feel the heat, describe what I saw, listen to what I heard to find the controlling lies to re-write my truth and find the real joy of inner brightness.

The core answer to brightness in any corner where is are is LOVE; it’s the alpha and the omega. Only LOVE emits brightness. Geneen says when you are in a space of love “it feels like relief. It feels like infinite goodness… It feels like the essence of tenderness, compassion, joy, peace. Life LOVE itself.”

Learn this lesson well.

Whatever your inner issue is – food, addiction, money, loneliness, family, spirit, friends, sabotage, body image, sexiness – you can move beyond what dims your true light to a bright eminence that eclipses the light of sunshine.

You deserve lovely sunshine each and every day and so do the people who are in your bright corner.

Life is But a Dream

“Row row row your boat
gently down the stream…”

and then downsizing happens, pain, divorce, trauma, death, recession, weight gain, defeat illusions crop up everywhere.

Forget merrily, forget joy, forget prosperity. Forget living.

You are bigger than pain. You are stronger than defeat be it downsizing, divorce, death, weight…whatever your obstacle—you are stronger. You are stronger.

Here is what I want you to do: GO BACK TO YOUR PAIN

  • First, embrace your pain. Really lovingly let your pain in.
  • Second, feel the pain in its most raw, eviscerating state.
  • Third, look at the pain.
  • Fourth, speak to the pain. But, this time don’t run away nor deny your pain. Instead have an honest talk with your pain point and clearly state your feelings. Clearly see yourself in the light of total control and peace.
  • Fifth, feel yourself who you are in front of the pain. Use “I” statements such as “I” am an achiever. “I” am a dancer. “I” am powerful. “I” am love.

Speak out loud exactly who you are and what you thought your self-inflicted, self-loathing pain was blocking you from. Now, erase the pain. Bask in the freedom of being a dancer. Excel as an achiever. Empower yourself with your power.

Zen master Shunrya Suzuki Roshi says enlightenment comes when you follow one thing all the way to the end. Follow your pain, grief, defeat or whatever has imprisoned you until now and then follow your dreams to the end.

Life is but a dream when you wake up from the illusory control of pain. Recognize that you have the power and strength to embrace, see and talk to any of your pain points and follow them to the end so that you find enlightenment.

Pain can never destroy an enlightened person. You are strong. You are no longer a prisoner to pain. No more lies, excuses, denial, shibboleths. No more excuses; excuses be gone!

You don’t need pain. You don’t have to be broken.

You are strong. You are powerful. You are in control.

You can row your boat in a stream, in a torrent, in a storm without fear of losing your way to enlightenment.

Row your boat, be merry, and live the life of your dreams.