The reason why relationships falter or depression starts or fears paralyze is the desire for normalcy.
We want to be normal and live in a normal world. Therefore, when a relationship sours and is no longer “normal” it is accepted and often internalized as someone’s fault. Depression starts oftentimes when you begin to think that something is wrong with you and your world. What is “normal” makes you think you are bad and that the world is bad. Fear paralyzes because it is a social and emotional challenge to make changes that look like they are not “normal” or probably unacceptable.
The quest to be “normal” and viewed as normal according to social standards create a distress that trouble the mind and stall an inner feeling of good. “Good” people do not dance with abandon. “Normal” people do not sing off key and smile with joy. “Sane” parents do not allow their children to speak their opinions.
Be abnormal. If you need to go beyond conditioned or social behavior to seek joy, peace, happiness…do it. If you need to suspend normalcy in your struggle to fight depression, stress, lethargy, or the seepage of unworthy feelings, begin by asking yourself what matters most?
What matters most to me? This inner, rhetorical questions can be the pivot of change that brings about a mature, authenticity. Magnify the voice that answers this question: what matters most to me.
Don’t retreat thinking it is not “normal” to talk to myself. Don’t stall or worse yet, don’t fail to ask the question because you feel that is it selfish to even engage in such a probe of your inner feelings.
Ask: what matters most to me?
Do it again. ASK: what matters most to me?
Once you get into the habit of asking and then knowing what matters most to you, you will begin to unravel and resolve most of your mental battles.
I had to get there myself. For years I did NOT know what mattered most to me? Therefore, I was battered by life-living a functional existence, but unfilled.
It did not feel “normal” to me to ask myself what was important to me. But after years of dis-ease and multiple health prompters and frantic desperation to find “me,” It is so strange to me now that I was not mentored to ask the question. My parents did not teach me, my teachers did not teach me, nor did the reverend in church teach me. During these formative years, I just did not know to ask. However, once I did learn what to ask, I asked myself that seminal question almost ten times a day for nearly a year.
I still ask myself, what matters most to me? to find my center oasis. No question that integrity, service, and love was important to me. The real structure of my unfailing happiness now is that I live that life every day at all times.
“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always
be found to be harmoniously related to
his inner state.” ~James Allen
As A Man Thinketh
If being in the company of someone who does not support what I know is “normal” and true for me, I lovingly release them right away without malice or guilt.
If I work for a client and their requests do not fit what I know what matters most for me, I immediately request modifications to our working relationship.
If I begin to feel out of sorts with any situation, I reflect upon it from the perspective of matching the situation to what matters most to me, and handle it lovingly from my inner truth.
You can do the same; ASK: WHAT MATTERS MOST TO ME? and then center all of your engagements (social, family, business) around synchronicity with your strong, authentic, loving self.
Be “normal” for yourself.
Be strong in being “normal” for yourself.
You know the truth-that’s all that matters to me.