Captain D’s Implies Violence Against Women

I have watched and re-watched and watched again the new advertisement “The Toast” by Captain D’s and each time feel a sense of panic.   Although the sentiment is to celebrate the first date of the couple with a public “toast” commemorating the event, but when the man points his finger and then makes a cracking sound at the end after he warns her to put down his last hush puppie, all impression of loving devotion evaporates.

The implication that I feel and see at that point in the commercial is that one day he will “crack” himself and then do something violent or that he will “crack” her neck for not obeying his instruction (command). On a visceral level, I want to scream at the lady, RUN! Get away, now! If he switches off his affection over a small food tidbit, what will he do the next time you defy him….RUN!

What was Captain D’s thinking?  Were they not thinking about the rise of domestic violence when they scripted the commercial? In this case, Captain D’s did not think far enough.

Inequality, in this case, the apparent psychological domination of the male actor, is a social danger.

“The emancipation of women, the achievement of full equality between the sexes, is essential to human progress and the transformation of society. Inequality retards not only the advancement of women but the progress of civilization itself. The persistent denial of equality to one-half of the world’s population is an affront to human dignity. It promotes destructive attitudes and habits in men and women that pass from the family to the work place, to political life, and, ultimately, to international relations. On no grounds, moral, biological, or traditional, can inequality be justified.” (Two Wings of a Bird: The Equality of Women and Men)

I urge Captain D’s to re-look at “The Toast” commercial in light of the unintentional message of abuse and remove it.

What is your opinion about the ad? Men and women, we must react when there is an affront, even one unintended, to human dignity. What do you see and what do you have to say?

Femininity is Back

Femininity is Back – I am woman!

Femininity is more than the dress or skirt that ladies wear. It is more than the glamour she exudes. Female allure is more than hairstyle or body size. It is smartness which balances the inner and outward harmony.

Women spirit is dynamic energy that signifies grace, compassion, and confidence. I thank Michelle Obama for who she is…a strong, confident, intelligent, self-assured, mother-wife who understands balance. I love a woman who claims her style and pays for it from her own budget of inner assurance. This type of woman can look you in the eye as she stands tall with grace.

Mrs. Obama is feminine. She has shifted the hard lines of feminism. First Lady elects to “stand by her man” and offers no apology for it. This is good news, actually great news. The emancipation which she represents is refreshing to women, and the men who support their women. This liberation frees ladies who are challenged by her social identity, who are manipulated by professional dictum that rewards “hardness” rather than our innate compassion, or are stressed trying to multi-task (as a parent, child of elderly parents, girlfriend, wife, earner) in a competitive world.

Ladies, we can have it all. We can love and stand by our man in public now. It is refreshing to me that I can be vulnerable, stand beside him, expect protection, and leave identities that no longer work for me and still feel whole. I don’t want to change my flat tire, even though I can. I don’t want to “catfight” with women, instead I want to encourage her and support her needs fully aware of our commonality. I don’t want to live my life as a single woman, even though I am more than capable of taking care of myself.

Michelle Obama made all of this alright for me. I recently read, The Ring Formula by psychologist Dr. Alduan Tart where he says that men are looking for women with old-fashioned values and a smart mind. This book infuriated me at first, but when I put my emotions and social conditioning aside, I could actually accept some of Dr. Tart’s premises. On a very basic level, I had to admit that I was subservient to my former husband most of the time and I enjoyed that. I too have to acknowledge the passionate marriage of my parents, especially during the time of my Dad’s illness, where my Mom who is a leader and brilliant in her own right, always consult her husband before making home decisions. I saw her stand by her man for 56 years of sickness and health all through to the time of his death.

Julie Rainbow, author of Standing the Test of Time, interviewed African American couples who had been married for more than fifty years and found a “Michelle Obama” like devotion in all of these couples in spite of infidelity or other catastrophic family trouble as fundamental to the longevity of their marriage. Some of the ladies who were interviewed earned their doctorate degree, became Vice Presidents in their profession, were homemakers, educators, or business owners but were feminine at home.

I know that we are one of the two wings of a bird symbolizing the beauty, symmetry, and balance required to fly. Women, who are feminine, soar!

Femininity is vogue. Let’s do our part to keep it fashionable for the good of humankind.